Wednesday, December 9, 2009

12 09 09

when you can finally talk to me, i want to talk.
im not gonna beg for you back.
im not gonna cry.
i dont want to do anything but get things straight.

Monday, December 7, 2009

12 07 09

i realize that i began to resent what you loved and what you had to do. but of course i did... because it took you away from me. i didnt want to accept the fact that these were things more important than your silly high school sweet heart. i couldnt help resenting these things and missing you. i loved you.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

12 06 09

"i dont wanna be anything but you're everything"

dangett, i hate going shopping and finding things that i think would look good on you. always tempted to buy them for you. but i cant.. cause that'd be weird.

12 06 09

"baby, how did we ever get like this?
tell me what kind of man lets love slip away
and leaves such a good thing behind.
holding my hands pressed
praying to find a way to fill in this hole
that i have inside."

ernie pretty much said it right!

Monday, November 30, 2009

11 30 09

you loved him.
you gave him your all.
you fought for your love.
over and over and over again.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

11 29 09

two of the most important boys in my life once..
they both let me down :/
i dont like not knowing you anymore.

christmas/birthday time soon.
definitely not in the mood.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

11 22 09

had a dream you told me you wanted to be friends.
which is so much better than nothing.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

11 21 09

"they didn't agree on much. in fact, they didnt agree on anything. they fought all the time, and challenged each other every day. but despite their differences, they had one important thing in common. they were crazy about each other."

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

11 17 09

"The worst thing is holding onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto.. real talk"
-Rev Run

Sunday, November 15, 2009

11 15 09

let him go,
he's NOT yours

when was the last time
you went out with ME on a sunday?
even though we aren't anything anymore,
i really cant recall..
and then you do THIS.
chick fil a over the love of your life, huh ?
sorry, i mean the EX love of your life.
SUPER ! fuck. im so angry.

11 15 09

"it always fascinates me how
people go from loving you madly
to nothing at all, nothing.
it hurt so much."

"here it is.
one more, one less.
another wasted love story.
i really loved this one."

"when i think that it's over,
that ill never see him again like this,
well, yes, ill bump into him,
we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend,
act as if we had never been together..
then we'll slowly think of each other less and less
until we forget each other completely...

"there's a moment in life where you cant recover anymore
from another break-up.
and even if this person bugs you 60% of the time,
you still cant live without him"

-2 days in paris

11 15 09

awww :/
meet the robinsons on tv tonight.
ohh, goob ):

Saturday, November 14, 2009

11 14 09

"just so you know..
with us, its never off the table."

11 14 09

dreams are so weird.
first time i'd seen you in a while.
for some reason, my heart was saying no,
and my head was pushing a yes.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

11 12 09

she asked me,
"but did you REALLY think he was the one?"

Saturday, November 7, 2009

11 07 09

one day ill learn to

"one day he'll find someone new,
and you'll have to move on, love."

you love him, so let him go.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

11 05 09

good job. you've moved on.
that makes one of us..

i dont understand it :/

Sunday, November 1, 2009

11 01 09

:/ not happy. not at all.
i thought i could be stronger.
and i dont want to cry anymore.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

10 25 09

how could ya just move on?
:/ im getting this really sick feeling in my tummy.
after loving someone more than anything in the world,
trying to make him happy.. trying to be with him..
trying to talk to him even though i shouldn't be,
how am i supposed to move on?
i woulda given anything for you.
woulda tried my best to do anything for you.
i've turned into this stupid weak girl who gets her heart broken over and over and over again.. and i just let it happen. i never wanted to become one of those.
but love.. love changes everything.
when he doesn't care.. when he ignores you.. that's when you should move on.
but who says it's that easy? at least for me it isnt.
gahdd, i hate being depressed like this :/

10 25 09

i really dont know why i still try.
still try to be nice.
still try to be a good friend.. or a friend at least.
but what do I get in return?
a big fattt nothin !
why is this so unfair?
i just feel really pissed off now for trying to be a good person and letting it blow up in my face.
i should known that was coming.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

10 21 09

"you'll never know how strong you are,
until being strong is the only choice you have."
omg, k got that from kaycee's twitter. mannn that makes me soo sad ): cause.. i kind of HAVE TO try to be strong. and i cant find my strength. but i think now is the time where i really have to try to do it mooore than ever.

communication in a relationship is vital and healthy. express what you feel. communication is key.

10 21 09

give me one good reason to trust you.
i don't know..
something isn't right here.
i feel like there is something going on that i should know about.

"i loved him so, but i let him go
cause i knew he'd never love me back."
- a fine frenzy

Saturday, October 17, 2009

10 17 09

on the sad tip:
i guess it's really over.

my bestest friend is officially a mama (:
i love her.
and caiden anthony miranda !

Friday, October 16, 2009

10 16 09

things are really sucky lately.
wish i had that someone to talk to about everything.
my attempt at being semi-friendly failed.
it looks to me like things wont ever be the same again.
and i have to stay strong knowing that.
i tried not to be sad :/

Monday, October 12, 2009

10 12 09

it's nice to see that you're doing PERFECTLY fine without me...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

10 11 09

sommmmmetimes, i dont see the point in trying. and i've always believed that if you loved someone, you would do anything for them, no matter what the circumstances may be. but if someone keeps you waiting, no matter how much you want to wait, there is a point where you should just stop. because no one deserves to be treated that way. why would the person on the other end make you wait so long anyways if he or she "loves" you. riiight. well whatever. i dont know, i guess i just had to get that out.

Friday, October 9, 2009

10 09 09

yeah. i guess this week has been
"i like to ignore 'important' people in my life" week.
whatever. don't say you care about someone when you're just going to ignore them for days and days. ughh.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

10 08 09

story of my life lyrics:
"he and i had something beautiful,
but so dysfunctional..
it couldn't last.
i loved him so,
but i let him go
cause i knew he'd never
love me back."

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

10 07 09

hmm haven't blogged in a whiiiile. but right now im going through alots, so ill write about it. or type. whatevah you know what i mean ! sooo many things going through my mind, and i dont really tell anybody all of it.

i dont get how one day, someone can love you more than anyone could say. it's so crazy, that you can't even explain it.. but the next day its gone. it just makes me angry. not sad.. not depressed. not like before. now im just angry, that you could go from loving, to treating me like im invisible. i dont think it would do my feelings any justice if i tried explaining it, cause it hurts way too much. i know that sounds so mellow-dramatic, but that's just how it is. when you love someone, you can't change the way your feelings work. you can't change the fact that whatever your "person" does to you, it hurts like never before. yesterday i texted someone. she was really sad. over someone she REALLY loved. and i told her " dont worry, its normal not to forget your first love." i dont think there will ever be anyone who will make you feel the way your first love made you feel. you might love someone just as much, but the feelings that you and your first love had are irreplaceable.

family problems. alot. let's just say.. i don't exactly know where the heck im gonna live on weekends. there are horrible people in this world who lie. they even have the nerve to steal your money but be EXTREMELY KIND to your face. ughh. i don't understand. do these people not have consciences? really? mm. i dont know. maybe karma will kick em in the butt one day. if it's even real. i hope its real. mom and dad are still having troubles with work.. or i guess the lack of work :/ they're good people.. i dont get it. this is why i wish karma were real. they deserve better than this.

then there are these money problems. im trying to save up money for a car. first i thought that maybe i'd hit $5000 by december. but i highly doubt that. i have to pay for everything now. dad can't give me lunch moneys or anything. but i dont blame him. it kinda just sucks. and then i have to buy my own printer.. probably somewhere around $100. i gotta re-touch my hairs.. maybe around $30 or $40. also, i have to buy my own cell phone now. getting a new juan on friday. im excited about it.. finally no more stupid chocolate that breaks all the time and turns off by itself ! but i dont wanna spend the money ): really really big sighhh. i dont know if ill make it to $5000 by the end of december ):

at least one thing im really excited about is BFF JB and her baby (: he's coming soon. im gonna love him so so so so much. well i already do. but ill finally get to hold him and play with him. im just kinda nervous for her. labor can be complicated. but hopefully this delivery is a speedy juan ! but not too speedy, cause i wanna be able to make it to the hospital before he's out haha. hopefully he comes on the weekend, while im in walnuts. it won't be so complicated to get there.

alright, well that was my little venting sesh. i doubt anyone read this whole thing (: heh. sorry. you might be reading this cause you decided to skip to the end. or you ACTUALLY read it. if so, THANKS ! (: haha K NIGHT !

Thursday, September 10, 2009

9 10 09

To: You
Date: Today
From: God
Subject: Yourself
Reference: Life

This is God, Today i will be handling all of your problems for you.
I do not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you.

P.S. And, remember... if life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in my time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in the world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take a walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to share this with a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

Now you have a nice day.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

9 1 09

you dont have to get it.
because its not easy to get.
but could you please.. please please
TRY to make me feel better?
seeing you wouldnt be so bad either...

school is stressing me out really bad.
work is the same as always..
slightly boring most of the time.
paychecks are getting smaller and smaller
cause i have no time for work.
haven't seen my friends way more than a week.
its no bueno to be me right now :/
the neighbors are being loud and roudy.
i really dislike.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

8 30 09

k so i forgot to blog about my pretty crazy dream.
we were at a swimming party at someone's house.
i have nooo idea who's house it was.
but everyone was there.
all my friends. even the ones from different groups.
so everyone was socializing, some were in the pool.
i started running to the pool so i could jump in,
but as i was running i tripped and hit my head on the floor hard.
i was right next to the pool, so i pretty much rolled in it, almost fully unconscious.
so while i was sinking to the bottom of the pool,
i waited for someone to save me.
but the person i really expected to save me was jordan.
but no one came.
no one tried to save me.
and i was drowning.
and i think i was about to give up
when in real life i got a phone call that woke me up !
it was preeeetty crazy.
imagine if i didnt get that phone call.
i woulda drowned and probably woulda really.. ya know.. in real life.
innnntense !
k that's all !

Thursday, August 27, 2009

8 27 09

im just...
not even angry.
just sitting in class quietly.
i dont wanna move or speak.
just wanna go home and sleep.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

8 26 09

makes no sense to me at all.
last night was a toughy.
i don't know why i was feeling blue, but i was.
it would have been nice if you made me smile.
but you didn't even care. or you really seemed like you didnt.
it really just makes me angry.
you don't get how much it means to me.
is this a sign ?
you or god telling me to move on finally ?
i just dontttttt understand.
maybe we should just forget it.

Monday, August 24, 2009

8 24 09

so i've figured it out.
you're scared.
that when i tell people the truth,
they'll figure out that that's exactly what you DIDN'T do.
there's no wrong in telling people my side.
its not like i try to persuade people.
but when people ask me what's happened, i tell them.
it's a good thing i dont tell people what a bad friend you became.
i realized that i could tell everyone, but i didn't.
there's no reason that anyone should be acting like a diva.
i absolutely hate when people act immaturely.
you know, you dont have to be a bitch.
but if it comes naturally, i guess i cant help it !
i just had to get that off my mind.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

8 19 09

why do i still feel disappointed
when i shouldnt even expect anything...
life`s not really fair.
not at all.
today someone told me
"never settle for less than what you are"
maybe i want to settle.
cause it hurts to both stay and go.

8 19 09

i think this weekend will be a good juan.
i want this weekend to be a a good juan.
but then after that, i think ill be MIA for a while.
gonna concentrate on school.
im gonna TRY not to come back to walnut every weekend..
until my break starts.
last day of school is on september 15th.
a little less than a month.
i think i can make it ? lol
we'llllll see !

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

8 11 09

not a big fan of being just friends.
but i think it had to happen.
everything was just getting to be way too much.
maybe it'll happen again, once we're ready.

mm skipped my first class today.
didnt prepare my speech, and i have this stupid "condition" -___-
that's what my dad kept saying lol.
let's not talk about it though.
i haven't done homework for my second class today.
i think im effing up.
but i really dont wanna do this ):
my heart is DEFINITELY NOT into event planning.
maybe the week will go by fast.. i hope.
well today is tuesday with one more class.
tomorrow is work and then 1 class
and thursday is more work and 1 more class
aaaand then that night erikblingbling picks me up so we can go to
roscoe's chicken and waffles !
and thennn ! camping friday-sunday !
okay, maybe i should start my homework now K BYE !

Monday, August 10, 2009

8 10 09

today is just a really bad day
i think ill cry.
and i dont want to go to school at all this week.
really really big siiigh.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

8 9 09

sorry for complaining more but,

honestly, i dont know how this is going to work:
- if communicating is gonna be this way.
- if im trying way too hard and you're not.
- if i hardly ever get to see you.
- if you just don't care.

im sort of scared that we're just two different people now..

Saturday, August 8, 2009

8 8 09

honestly, i would like to mean something to someone.
is that so much to ask for ?
ughh whatever.
maybe im just looking in the wrong places.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

8 4 09


Sunday, August 2, 2009

8 2 09

so i won't do that again !
remind me to eat before i drink..
and just not to drink that much at once.
i felt like a major RATARD.
this week was a little intense.
way too much fighting.
but really this time, it will be better.
its time for a little tough love too, right?
but i guess the week ended pretty alright.
i love my friends who take care of me, when im being irrational.
i just love my friends in general.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

7 30 09

ugh was there even a point to that ?
please just dont say things when you dont mean them
or dont plan on fulfilling them.
i wanna know why people lie.
i dont think there's really such a thing as lying for the benefit of someone else. because the truth seems to always come out. so instead of coming out with one bad thing, two bad things happen ! its whatever happened in the first place PLUS the lie that they just told. bleh.
i really dont like that crap.
and i hate hate hate broken promises.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

7 29 09

i mean i should be used to this, right ?
so today:
i found out i STILL can't get my tattoo -____-
i saw a tall dark-haired boy with blue eyes. omg, i think i fell in love. too bad ill never see him again lol
i fell asleep at 8 so hopefully ill still be able to fall asleep again after this blog ):
kjfgklefjhka i just don't know.
an interesting question keeps coming up..
from random people.
and it's really starting to make me THINK.

Monday, July 27, 2009

7 27 09

can someone kinda tell me what's going on ?
k thanks !

"we could pretend that we are friends tonight
and in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
cause baby, we dont have to fight
and i dont want this love to feel like a

Friday, July 24, 2009

7 24 09

one thing that i absolutely hate is liars.
i just don't understand, really.
and it really makes me angry.

whatever today will be better cause:
1. im going to dye my hairs
2. im going to disneyland with best friend
3. i should be expecting a text message today


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

7 22 09

serydtfyjgkjhkjl well.
before i go to bed, let me say this:
i guess that's what i get.
but what can i do, right ?
ill just learn to be patient and accept things.
even though they may turn out shitty and not the way i wanted.
hahaha ill just laugh it all off.
wooh, some things just push my buttons.
a little.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

7 21 09

i ache for who we were.

Monday, July 20, 2009

7 20 09

i don't need any "space" and i've had enough time.
i have known what i've wanted since the beginning.
but if it's too much for you and you STILL don't know after all this time,
then just forget it and move on.
because obviously THIS isn't what you want or need.
just stop holding me back.
when you know what you want, let me know.
but who knows if i'll be there.
i'm trying to be much stronger this time around.

movies i NEED to watch:
yeahhh, some of em are already out.
i guess i just never got around to watching them.
or well.. yeahh.
anyone's welcome to watch with me !

Sunday, July 19, 2009

7 19 09

i dont really understaaand,
what the eff is going on.
ifhuvgaihfgu i cant even explain things fully.
im kind of at a loss for words.
hopefully this week is a good one and goes by fast.
im kinda scared.
im gonna miss things..
but i hope you're happy with your decision
im dying to know how you're feeling.
when i really shouldn't.
im giving you your space.
giving you what you wanted.
this is difficult.
i cant just go crawling back like i usually do.
maybe someone will come after me this time.
well a girl can dream

Saturday, July 18, 2009

7 18 09

im allowed to be scared.

a promise in the dark


Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it

Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me


I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent

Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t, who cares if you’re lieing or not
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong

Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
So don’t promise me

Friday, July 17, 2009

7 17 09

i never know.
so indecisive.
4 signs
not easy
break down

i really like my myspace song. i've listened to it about ten times every night for a week straight. so school hasn't been so bad. there is only one class out of four that i dislike. marketing events. its about event planning and such. not for me. but im required to take it anyways. effective speaking isn't so bad. i know one person in the class. my teacher said we were a very good looking class right after we went up to inform the class about each other. pretty cool. lighting techniques should be fun when i make a light fixture out of recycled goods. computer graphics is whatever. im bad at photoshop but i like it better than illustrator. hopefully i can balannce everything. work is still a drag but we've gotten new workers so hopefully ill end up being less tired. and now im home in westco/walnut. feeling the way i often but shouldn't feel. hmm i suppose ill survive though. things never turn out exactly right. people wanna be noticed. today i had to walk one giant block to my bus stop because the sidewalk by my house was coned off. i don't think ill be attending the game on sunday. first one ill miss. sort of sad.

Monday, July 13, 2009

7 13 09

at the cafe today:

"do you need anything ?"
"i need lots of things.. but you guys cant give it all to me"
haha i thought that was funny.
k that's all !

Saturday, July 11, 2009

7 11 09

i thoughttttt.
joke's on me, i spose !

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

7 7 09

some people enjoy drama and gossip all day long.
maybe you have to start realizing things from other peoples' outlooks.
maybe i was wrong for letting people see things through my eyes.
or maybe i wasn't.
i was forgetting too.
but was it wrong that i wanted people to know how i felt?
oh well.
not everyone has the same opinions and personalities.
and im not trying to be mean or rude..
im just trying to be real.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

7 5 09

let down

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

6 30 09

i guess i shouldn't expect so much.
is it a bad thing that i sort of do though ?
i cant really help it.
im sort of lost and confused.
i dont like it.
i wish i were a mind reader.
or that you could express things more clearly.
blehh im drinking tea, so im calm.
back to work tomorrow.
paycheck tomorrow too.
my next few paychecks will probably be really weeeeeeak.
i've missed out on more than a week of work.
im kinda excited to go back.
kind of excited for school too.
hopefully i can switch my classes around.

Monday, June 29, 2009

6 29 09

haven't blogged in ten days
i thought maybe blogging would jinx things.
i guess its kinda the same.

Friday, June 19, 2009

6 19 09

scared as a mother
and i cant explain why

its like all of the bad stuff is coming back.
but you cant blame me for being this way.
i think i feel unwanted.
scared scared scared

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

6 16 09

kinda boring lately.
work was okay today..
i laughed until i cried with one of my managers.
yesterday talked to romeo and that other guy about how we hate when people bag on FIDM and its students.
you think that we won't get anywhere ?
well thanks for the motivation !
proving everyone wrong will be my pleasure.
trying to get back to school for the summer but all kinds of financial crap keeps getting in the way. hopefully i get it and will take 3 or 4 classes.
other than that, things are kinda changing..
so im kinda bored.
i wanna say how i feel but can't really explain it.
the weather was nice today
thank goodness.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

6 14 09

i had a good time last night

Thursday, June 11, 2009

6 11 09

you think that i have no faith.
you think that i have no faith when i am the one trying.
you're the one with the lack of faith IN ME.
you ALWAYS think that im trying to start an argument when you cant even see that i have been trying so hard to prevent that.
all i said was "thanks" and you told me not to get all "crazy" on you.
last time i got into a little argument with you and you told me that it was like i was on the pill all over again.
please think about that and realize how much that can hurt a person.
i am NOT the person i was maybe a month or two ago, thank you very much.
i was NOT born to argue with people all day long.
but i DO get frustrated and i cant help that.
but the fact that YOU say it and the fact that you assume i am going to blow up and argue with you really hurts.
i AM NOT the one with the lack of faith here.

i told you, i never ever get what i want.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

;ieutuetiuer annoyed

it's not even fair liwjlwifjliwjf
im so nice to you
and i get you stuff all the time
i even offered to help you pay for your car if you cant.
i cant just go over to see the puppy ?
ygefchiouaelhflvio; this is stupid.
i just want to play with him.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

better days

maybe its not what i thought.
it changes from day to day.
and its so so confusing.
why can't this be more simple !?
why can't people just tell me the truth.
say what you mean, and it's done with.
no big deal.

despite the crappiness talked about above,
things have actually been better lately.
who knows if it will really keep up though.
im crossing my fingers,
but its not entirely up to me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


i feel like i have a lot to think about

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

when's day.

i need to do some deep thinking.
im a little really stressed these days.
school and work and other crap.
maybe i dont want anyone..
some days i do.
bleh aanywho !
walnut grad tomorrow if my mama can pick me up on time.
and then on friday, it's tattoo time.
here i cooome (:
how exciting.. im gonna cry like a baby lol.
saturday is cousin's grad party.
let's see how the weekend goesss.
my week hasn't been going so hot :/
people notice.

"ive got my mouth
its a weapon
its a bombshell
its a cannon"

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

june 2

started good
ended bad.
looks like the whole week is gonna be gloomy.
the next TWO weeks actually.
checked on
sad sad
i have alot of crap to deal with.
dkfvakjcfla as if i didnt already have enough.
happy birthday :/

Monday, June 1, 2009

havent blogged

so the whole time in my last blog,
i had that quote wrong and i never noticed.
i fixed it now.
it was sposed to say
"that girl is so in love with you,
and you're going to lose her."
failure, haha.

my weekend was a good juan. i got to see everyone i wanted, i think (: hopefully this week goes by fast. i have a feeling it will! things have gotten alot better. friendships stronger. co-workers are better lol. i got my last paycheck on friday. i made $621 but only got $571 cause of taxes. but its alright, ill get it back. i coulda gotten my fit yesterday.. but i didnt. its okay cause ill save more money and shtuff first. then ill have to pay less in the end. please let this week be a good juan.

kdhufkahfj maybe not :/
"relax and have faith"

Thursday, May 28, 2009

mm mmm

"that girl is so in love with you,
and you're going to lose her"

hmmm schedule for tomorrow:
wake up
go to delilah's
pick up paycheck
work for a little
go home
present time ?
party time ?
we shall seeee

today was an alright day. nothang special i guess. i like my co-workers better when they're not co-workers. but when you get em outside, just to talk, it's cute. i was pretty pooped today after work so i took a napsy and fell asleep on all who i was texting. lol sowwy. right now i am waiting for the paint to dry. also listening to simple, starving to be safe. this juan's dedicated to you, ryan (: BAHAHA
gooooooooooood times !

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


today was a good juan.
i was probably smiling almost the whole day (:
kinda had fun at work semi-ish lol.
but im slick, so i hide behind the chips and text bahaha.
had a nice convo with my bus driver today.
talked about the lakers and how i needs to find me a gentleman.
"have you ever been to one of those live games?"
"no i dont have the kinda money for thaaaat"
"what about one of your boyfriends?"
"no boys for me haha"
"well one of your guy friends"
"they don't have that kinda money eitherrr"
"well when guys really want something, they go for it"
he tells me i have to find someone who will spoil me just because.
not for any particular reason haha.
he's coooool.
he also loves the lakers, but doesn't like kobe lol.
had a nice day, and i am proud of them (:
okay goodnight !

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

a quote

"time passes. even when it seems impossible. even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. it passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. even for me."

that is a very good quote from twilight (: bella swan was a fighter. 
blah blah blah. i've been good lately. this is fun.

Monday, May 25, 2009

back in LA

which gives me time to blog (:
im sitting here with some earyl grey and the new mini teapot i bought myself form this litto asian markett. yum yum in my tum tum ! ive been saying that alot lately haha. cause there's so much good food around me lately. failure though cause i need to cut back on foods ! interesting last couple of days. new close friends in my life (: this is fun haha. im kindaaa looking forward to finding a new job?! i wanted yogurtland. but maaaaybe joghurt since i can walk there ! lol kinda makes me laugh. i want friday because that equals PAYCHECK (: should be around $600, thank you (: i got a good weekend, so i am happy. i bet alotta people like that change (: haha

k love love !

Sunday, May 24, 2009

well well (:

i had fun last night (:
and friday night.
friday was the beach and hung out with some of my favorite girls (:
it was also bryan's shiang's bday thingy which was interesting haha
drunk water polo players ? haha
last night was tinanana's little kickback thingy.
haha freaking had a little devil on my shoulder.
bahaha but he might not remember by the morning.

i haven't blogged in a little while.
i think i need to find  new job.
yogurt land possibly ?
i dono we'll see.
i need suggestionssss !

Thursday, May 21, 2009


nothang special.
but i am home now !
fun fun tomorrow ?
all weekend, please.
and i'd like to see the beach.

"but i know that
i was put here
to fight vikings 
in the cold war
with my arms out
in the front line
singing dare me 
dare me"

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


he finally asked me how old i am, and we had a nice little convo all the way home.
15 minutes of talking was fun. 
he told be that i look super young for my age, which is expected lol.
i couldn't catch his name because that bus is so effing loud.
i woulda asked him to repeat his name for the 384972th time, but i felt back.
ill ask again tomorrow.
what i know so far:
he has been driving buses for 18 years.
he will be driving for another 5 years, and then will go on his permanent vacation (possibly vegas)
he has 2 kids, and their kids have 11 kids combined !
making him a grandfather of many lol
haha he asked me why i have  no boyfriend, and i told him that guys are way too much trouble.
"what aspect about them is trouble?"
EVERYTHING, i said (:
he told me that guys should not wait til a special holiday, like mothers day or christmas, to get their special someone a special something.
the best time are when you get them something for no reason in perticular.
when it's a surprise.
he's very right because that would be greatly appreciated. haha
not that i would want that all the time.
we're gonna finish our convo tomorrow.
i had a nice day, in the end, even though it was stupid in the beginning (:

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

you know ?

it's nice to be known by people.
at school, today and yesterday, two people asked me if they could take a picture of me for their trends class.. i guess im trendy (:
security guards and other staff members call me by my name
two people asked me for my name.
i had 2 good convo's with people i didnt know.
and my bus driver smiled and said "see you tomorrow"
he's not a smile and say hello type-a-guy.
but he see's me tuesdays-thursdays to pick me up at around 445 after work.
it's very nice.

lyric of the day:
so let's go back to the first day that i met you

Monday, May 18, 2009


i think i've reached happy (:
or at least im almost there.
i love the ones who have stayed with me
i told myself i would be happy again.
and so this is what happy feels like, huh?
now i just have a few things to patch up.
cant wait til..

p.s. tonight was interesting

double p.s. this is what happens when you go on flickr
and type in "dont worry, be happy":

Sunday, May 17, 2009


erased my blog.
no more being all emotional.
im better now.
beach memorial day monday !?

these things take time, love.
these things take backbone.
make sure you're not fighting for nothing.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

and now

went to the americana with dad.
shopped a little.
bought presents a little.
stupid me.
deposited my paycheck at some ghetto B of A.
currently home alone, the way i like it.
just me, my music, and my mac.

its the morning

Love Me Tender lyrics:
love me tender, love me sweet,
never let me go.
you have made my life complete,
and i love you so.
love me tender, love me true,
all my dreams fulfill.
for my darling, i love you
and i always will.

really simple, but sweet.

you can't make someone feel a certain way about you. you wouldn't want to anyways-- remember that old chestnut about being careful what you wish for? other opportunities will come along.

Friday, May 15, 2009

fry day

we call him miami..
or obama shirt guy.
arthur called me a big pussy haha
and that mother eff is right -__-
today was a good 5 hours at work.
justin says i have OCD and he feels bad for my future children.
i cant help wanting to make things perfect, sheesh !
thanks to breaking boxes, i have little cuts all over my hands.
most of the time i don't find them til i wash my hands and i feel it sting.
up side ! i got my paycheck !
without taxes: $463.25
with those damn taxes: $441. 38
not too bad..
in two weeks, it'll be BIGGER and i will officially be getting paid $9.00 an hour.

i've been cleaning and rearranging my room like crazy.
i really like what i've done.
i tried to nail something on the wall-- failure -__-
now i just have a slightly noticeable hole in my wall.
won't be in walnut at all this weekend.
i need a break from unnecessary uhmm.. drama.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


The Like: The One Lyrics
I'm not shouting 
I'm just talking 
You're not listening 
You're just looking 
Take one in to 
Get another 
In one ear and 
Out the other 

I'll stop here 
I'll stay there 
I'll never be 
The one you love 

im okay though, i promise !
i just thought these lyrics were very fitting lol

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


i wish i could wear shorts to work. i have to be all covered up. not to mention it's as cold as a freezer in there. i wanna find a new 
job but i probably wouldn't find another place to pay me $9,
give me 8 hour shifts every day of the week, and one this easy. it's also at school, so getting there is no biggie. filling out all this financial aid stuff is a pain in the butt. ohwell.. paycheck this friday.
should be a good $400-$500 so all is well (: i'm staying off that birth control. makes me moody and emotional. so far, i feel really good. less depressed. and all of this drama.. i think i can brush it off my shoulder now. 

p.s. i think i get a puppy soon !
ugh that would make me so so so happy
except.. i still miss you, chirpo ):
i hope you're alright wherever you are.
i didnt want to give you away ):
love you, puppy.
even though you cant read this.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


people have been asking me if i want to marry them alot this week
haha not seriously, of course, so its funny.

today i made use of my camera.
i took pictures of my way home.

Monday, May 11, 2009

just a tid bit

a little bit concerned.
this is not normal.
not normal at all..
and it could mean so many things !
dijfoifj what tha heck dude.

anyways, today was alright.
jealous co-workers are dumb.
maybe if you would do work, the managers would like you more.
dont blame me for being hard-working ??

sometimes, you can forgive people for what they've done and said.
sometimes you cant.
this applies to more than one person as of today.
when you're angry, you say things.
but you shouldn't say THOSE types of things.
regret will never leave my mind.
people make mistakes.
if i let it go, will you?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

men are from mars, women are from venus

then she paused, and her eyed filled up with tears. as her tone shifted she said, "right now im in pain. i have nothing to give, this is when i need you the most. please, come over here and hold me. you dont have to say anything. i just need to feel your arms around me. please dont go."

no i cant let go

time apart
back to LA

Saturday, May 9, 2009

you know,

i've had my heart broken by a lot of different people in my life.
it hurts like hell, but its inevitable.

Friday, May 8, 2009

may 8

i guess after the storm blows over,
there really is a brighter side.
but we'll see.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

may 6

today was one of my better days.
thank you (:
vanna carmela ryan thank you for a juanderful time.
fergie, you are my newest hero

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

to them

it's crazy, the way things turn out.
it's crazy when you cant trust the ones or one you trusted.
it's better to be the bigger person.
so i quit at trying to please everyone else.
ill work at getting MYSELF back on track first.
if no one believes me, at least i know myself.
i talked to two of my best friends tonight.
and they really helped me.
and even through my slump, through my negativity, through my sadness, they were there for me no matter what, and still are here.
they will never leave me or talk behind my back.
no matter how crazy i may drive them, they love me enough to listen.
they are all i needed to help me pull through.
they love me..
and i love them more than words could say.

Monday, May 4, 2009

i hate this

im just going to be invisible.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

for i am human, and you are human too

i hate to admit it,
but i miss you.
wish that song was about me.
those 3 words i wanna say keep haunting me.
i wonder if you feel what i feel.

dont like how things have to be different.
i wanna settle down and find "the one."
how lame, but i really do.
im just that type of girl.

went to church today
saw kitty, nadia &the bebeh, carmela &the family.
it was cute.
then went to pho..
and that one lady is back !
right when me and kees walked in,
she said "same thing? 2 21's ?"
aww i was so happy.
i asked her where she's been and she said that she delivered her baby !
aww and she showed us a picture, and he is the cutest little thing ever.
of course all babies are precious (:
now im home, preparing to go back to LA tonight.
ill be there all by myself until wednesday or thursday.


tonight was a good one.
hooray for staying sober.
i ALMOST gave in, but i was a good child.
for the most part !
happy birthday, aileeny i love you !
i got juan real good hug.
i miss those kinds.
the genuine kinds that make you feel good.
i hope everyone got home alright !
goodnight loves of my life.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


just watched the most recent episode of grey's

"what are you?
you know..
just a choke em and forget em kinda guy?"

all this grey's is making me realize how much
i miss saying "i love you"
and i miss hearing "i love you" right back.