Tuesday, August 31, 2010
i hate getting that feeling when it seems like my whole body is going numb. when i see something related to that special someone i had feelings for, my heart sinks all the way down to my toes. i have to take a deep breathe, just to remember that it is not the end of the world. and although it may make me want to cry, i hold back my tears and remember that it is not worth it anymore. i can't live in the past any longer. but it is ALWAYS easier said than done. baby steps.
Monday, July 19, 2010
my mom said to find a boy who makes me feel special. i know that i dont need to be spoiled and i dont need to be given the world, but i would like to feel that i am something special to someone. i would like to feel appreciated for the little things that i do to help make the relationship a relationship. that is all!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
someone tweeted about moving out today, and then all of a sudden i got the feeling of nostalgia. i went back real quick to the night before i moved to la. two years ago around this same date. spent the entire day with my someone special. cried, even though we didnt think we would. those were the days where we thought that we could make a "long distance relationship" work out. it was crazy. for a second, i felt the happiness of being with him again.. while we were sad together. we didnt think it'd end. but it did for a reason. and it's okay now. im okay now. it was just really weird getting that feeling all over again even though it was just a quick trip down memory lane. i almost cant remember how it was to be with him and how much i loved him. feels like it was forever ago.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"you could have been a part of a masterpiece"
it honestly just makes me so angry some days. that he didn't really give it a chance to let things get better. as soon as things got bad, he was always the first to give up. if i wasn't funny/happy/smiling pun, he didn't want me. i wasn't enough, i suppose. there are so many mean and angry things that i could say right now, but im trying to hold back. ughhh dfhlkjdhglkghkaejv. i dont want to love him anymore, it isnt fair.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
reachin for the phone cause i cant fight it anymore.
and i wonder if i ever cross your mind.
for me it happens all the time.
it's a quarter after one
im all alone, and i need you now.
said i wouldn't call
but i lost all control, and i need you now
-Need You Now,
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
everyone was right. they were right. they knew i would get my heart broken all over again. and in a way, i think, i knew that it would happen too. but i was willing to let it happen. because sometimes people do anything in the name of love right? fine, maybe that's corny. but it's so true. i let it happen, and i definitely had it coming because i'm the type of person who will do almost anything for love even when i know that it may get me nowhere or even send me backwards. i don't blame anyone but myself. but i'll be okay. i'll get myself through this again. with the help of my best friends, i hope. unless they're already too tired of me and my hopeless antics.
so it's back to not existing in his mind. back to being invisible. and ill have to deal. ill have to be okay. i just wish i knew how he felt. i wish he could actually talk about HIS feelings instead of criticizing mine.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
"love lost is still love. it takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when these senses weaken, another one heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nurture it. you hold it. you dance with it. life has to end. love doesn't."
i'm learning that i can be okay again. i'm much better than i as months ago. i find it true that when you love someone, no matter how much you love them, you let them go. but still, no one can take that love away from you. life goes on even when you don't think it will. i'm much stronger now.