i wish i had something interesting to blog about,

but i dont ):

i got my mac though !

i lovessss it.

and now my mommy even wants one.

first thing in the morning, we took photo booth pictures.

me and mom (:

or mom and i.

whatevah then ! haha

uhmm i will be ichatting all day long

and leaving video comments all day long.

so feel free to leave me your screen name (:

so i`m going to choir today at church.

i haven`t been in a while.

i feel like instead of being so concentrated on getting him back,

i`m gonna stay concentrated on getting god back into my life.

i really need this right now,

cause i`ve drifted so far away.

let's see

the only semi-sad news i have is that

i miss your familiar touch.

and if i close my eyes long enough,

and concentrate long enough,

i can feel it.

but its starting to slip away from my memory

he`s just not that into you

one of my favorite lines of the night:

"if a guy doesn`t give a shit, 

he genuinely doesn`t give a shit."

i like it, cause it`s soo so so so true.

FUCK GUYS ! (:

even matt and rick broke my heart this week !

seriously though, there are hardly any guys i can trust anymore.

that`s just how it is.

i`m not just saying it cause i`m angry at the world haha

but it`s true !

so ohwell ! there`s nothang i can do now !

i can`t say i have much to complain about.

one week ago, i was a hot mess.

but i`m better now !

first in 3 days

so instead of not blogging here ever again,
im just gonna blog sometimes.

came back home to walnut today,
walked in and gave my mom flowers for her beeday.
i got home JUST IN TIME to see the ending of CLICK.
"will you still love me in the morning?"
"forever and ever, babe"
HA !
you can imagine what happened after that.

anyways the week was good.
had a nice convo with mattyboo over the phone.
i called him, he didn`t call me (:
baha, LOVE YOU, MATTYBOO ! (:
mm and i enjoy your blogs..
very much so !

i will be getting me mac.
and all will be ten million times better than it is !
not that things are shitty (:

oh, you know whyyyy (:

one of the last times

i won`t be blogging here very much anymore.
i`m leaving this stupid stupid part of my life behind.
because i CAN`T BELIEVE that i was dumb enough
to think that you really loved me like you said you did
but i know now that everything you said, and everything you did was FAKE.
you are JUST LIKE all those other boys who break their promises
i didn`t think you were the type of guy who was capable of breaking hearts.
i thought that you were one of those few gentlemen left in the world
i thought that you were a GOOD GUY
and that you would never EVER hurt me
but ohhhhhhhhh fucking boy was i wrong.
oh, and guess what ?chivalry is dead.
and i know that, thanks in part, to you.

i have NO REASON AT ALL to believe that love exists anymore.
i doubt that i`ll be able to trust a guy again.
ALL THANKS TO YOU

i just WISH you knew how much you`ve hurt me

there`s nothing i can do or say to fix it

okay, it`s done.

i`m too late

i`m never going to be okay with us being apart.
no matter how hard i try to convince myself that i can give you time
or no matter how much i convince myself that i can move on,
it won`t ever work.

"you don`t even believe in love"
i did. i used to think it was real.
and i know that i love people.. its real for me.
but i don`t know if its possible for other people to be
telling the truth anymore when they say it.

according to you,
i never had any faith to begin with.
you know how you felt like you were never good enough for me ?
i think that it was really me never being good enough for you.

OHHHHHMYGOSHHHHHHHHH
you don`t even know how angry i was last night.
i just wanted to kill a bitch, seriously.
but really, you don`t even know half of what happened last night.
i know you know that i was mad.
but did you even know that i cried my HEART and my EYES out last night ?
did you know that i tried to see you ?
i wanted to see you, to talk to you, and get everything straight.
but your good friends and mine helped me through it.
made me realize that talking to you in that state that i was in would be dumb.
but i was so ready to pour my heart out to you last night.
I WAS SO READY.

whatever, i`m pretty fucking frustrated with you right now.
really, when do i get to move on ?