well all i really wanna do is love you

but clearly that's almost impossible. what`s wrong with us ? this was neverrr planned. what happened to "forever and ever babe?" lame, but it was true for us. what happened to cutest couple ? what happened to holding onto eachother ? i guess it was partially my fault. for not being enough. for not being worth trying. for getting angry that while you have your friends, i have none from where i am. that while you can make late night drives to friends` houses, i don`t have my license, nor a car. not to mention i live nearly one hour away.

but i won`t be bitter anymore.

i`ll just be sorry. sorry we couldn`t make it work the way it was supposed to. i just wish that LA never had to happen. i wonder if i moved back, would everything be okay again ? would it make a difference ? would it stop us from fighting every night ? i guess the reason i fight with you is because you`re not here with me. i get angry at the fact that you`re so far away. i get jealous of you. because you have your friends, and now you even have my friends. i wish that i was you. when some people just want to get away from home, i would give anything to get that back. i would give anything to be at home with mom, kees, ate, AND CHIRPO. i feel so bad for my poor puppy. but anyways, i would give anything just to spend almost every day with you again.

on halloween night, when we did nothing togeter, i had no problem with that at all. just as long as i`m with you, i`m satisfied. i would much rather be doing a bunch of nothing with you than get drunk, or smoke, or party at all. i just like to lay with you in bed. just look at you. even while you snore. i`d give anything to have that almost every day again. i`d give anything to feel worth your time.

i doubt i`m making any sense to you, but in my mind, i make a whole lot of sense.

i feel so tired, but i don`t want to sleep. i know i have to wake up early tomorrow and i have a speech to make in front of the class (which i have not finished) but i can`t help but to stay up. to see if you call or text back. or if you change something small on your myspace. facebook. anything. any sign that shows you`re still awake and thinking too. maybe you`re as pathetic as i am right now. but maybe you`re just asleep. dreaming all of your troubles away.