10 07 09

hmm haven't blogged in a whiiiile. but right now im going through alots, so ill write about it. or type. whatevah you know what i mean ! sooo many things going through my mind, and i dont really tell anybody all of it.

i dont get how one day, someone can love you more than anyone could say. it's so crazy, that you can't even explain it.. but the next day its gone. it just makes me angry. not sad.. not depressed. not like before. now im just angry, that you could go from loving, to treating me like im invisible. i dont think it would do my feelings any justice if i tried explaining it, cause it hurts way too much. i know that sounds so mellow-dramatic, but that's just how it is. when you love someone, you can't change the way your feelings work. you can't change the fact that whatever your "person" does to you, it hurts like never before. yesterday i texted someone. she was really sad. over someone she REALLY loved. and i told her " dont worry, its normal not to forget your first love." i dont think there will ever be anyone who will make you feel the way your first love made you feel. you might love someone just as much, but the feelings that you and your first love had are irreplaceable.

family problems. alot. let's just say.. i don't exactly know where the heck im gonna live on weekends. there are horrible people in this world who lie. they even have the nerve to steal your money but be EXTREMELY KIND to your face. ughh. i don't understand. do these people not have consciences? really? mm. i dont know. maybe karma will kick em in the butt one day. if it's even real. i hope its real. mom and dad are still having troubles with work.. or i guess the lack of work :/ they're good people.. i dont get it. this is why i wish karma were real. they deserve better than this.

then there are these money problems. im trying to save up money for a car. first i thought that maybe i'd hit $5000 by december. but i highly doubt that. i have to pay for everything now. dad can't give me lunch moneys or anything. but i dont blame him. it kinda just sucks. and then i have to buy my own printer.. probably somewhere around $100. i gotta re-touch my hairs.. maybe around $30 or $40. also, i have to buy my own cell phone now. getting a new juan on friday. im excited about it.. finally no more stupid chocolate that breaks all the time and turns off by itself ! but i dont wanna spend the money ): really really big sighhh. i dont know if ill make it to $5000 by the end of december ):

at least one thing im really excited about is BFF JB and her baby (: he's coming soon. im gonna love him so so so so much. well i already do. but ill finally get to hold him and play with him. im just kinda nervous for her. labor can be complicated. but hopefully this delivery is a speedy juan ! but not too speedy, cause i wanna be able to make it to the hospital before he's out haha. hopefully he comes on the weekend, while im in walnuts. it won't be so complicated to get there.

alright, well that was my little venting sesh. i doubt anyone read this whole thing (: heh. sorry. you might be reading this cause you decided to skip to the end. or you ACTUALLY read it. if so, THANKS ! (: haha K NIGHT !