today is valentine's day ?

nahh (:

its just like any other day.

totally just got up maybe half an hour ago.

i must be the laziest person in the world today.

i'm craving moca salsa.

maybe figure out a way to get there later

k update more later, when the day is done.

but for now, today is not as bad as i thought it would be (:

it started out quite nice (:

it's really over, isn't it?

at least i can say that 

i cried my hardest,

fought my hardest,

and tried my hardest.

i really thought that eventually, we could be okay again.

but i'm a stupid girl :/

i don't think that there's really anything i can do now

but hope and pray that one day everything will be fine.

can you believe i even thought we could be friends?

but now i see why people can't do it.

i can't be friends with you without wanting to be with you.

sorry, i'm retarded and i thought i could do it.

i'm staying in LA this weekend.

vday isn't my thing, guys.

i'd rather be left alone, i think.

but everyone should have a good juan.

etsrydtfuyiguhij

i wish i could talk to you right now.

cause you understood all of this shit about my mom and dad.

and everything having to do with my family.

it`s so annoying ljfoifoiehrga.

i really wish i could talk to you about it right now ):

you were the one person i could talk to about all of that stuff.

ehuglds i`m so frustrated

alriiiight

haven`t blogged in a few days.

i`m trying to cut down, so i can refrain from talking about a few certain thaangs.

uhmm so the girls are going clubbing later, 

buuuuut i don`t feel like going.

i don`t feel very comfortable dancing with other people.

it`s whatevaaaah.

so yesterday, i was waiting at my bus stop and there was a chihuahua

 coming closer and closer towards me. 

but then my bus came, so i had to get on so i wouldn`t be late for work.

and as my bus came, the garbage truck came!

he honked at the dog, but the dog wouldn`t move.

i was too scared to see what might have happened after that.

on the bus ride, i felt so shitty ):

i was seriously about to cry cause i knew i shoulda picked up the poor puppy to save him.

and now, i don`t even know what happened to him ):

michael said that it`s LA, so some mexican probably picked him up.

lol kinda helped, but kinda didn`t.

i was so sad on the bus, that i missed my 

stop.

i`m an idiot -_____-

i had to walk an extra block to school.

and i already have to walk 2 and a half blocks therrre.

also, last night, mattyboo came over to justine`s house (:

that was fun.

and  was there cause i had to get homewor

k done

butttt, i didn`t start it til 3 in the morning cause i was so distracted !

we left brian a bajillion video comments,

mattyboo kept trying to ichat with cheryl,

matt likes those mighty mugg thingies haha.

i  have a.d.d. !

kk that`s all !

nothing super interesting in my life.

saaaame old stuff.

hahaha

six flags !

more flags !

more fun !

BAHAHAHA

i forgot about my good thangs !

my friends are wonderful.

i love them with all my heart !

and people who cheer me up, or at least try, mean the world to me.

just the littlest efforts can make my day (:

on sunday, i went to church choir for the first time in a long time.

we had a little bible study sesh before we started practicing.

and i answered the first question when no one else could.

the answer:

FAITH !

i bet you woulda been proud of me.

because that`s something you always thought i needed.

but i was proud of myself for knowing (:

i`m lackin` in faith a little these days.

with numerous things ):

but i`m workin` on it !

that was the good part of my life.

(i`m sorry i forgot)

sorry guys. you don`t have to read this ):

i am so sick and tired of thinking about you.

but i can`t stop myself, and it freaking sucks.

i seriously wish that eternal sunshine were a real thing.

that way, i would totally erase you from my memory.

you don`t realize that the reason i`m so angry..

the reason i talk shit and you don`t

is because YOU are the one who broke MY HEART.

you`re the one who left me, remember ?

if you can recall,

getting left behind by the person you love

HURTS LIKE HELL.

realize that the reason i`m sad is YOU.

so don`t wonder why i am so hurt.

don`t wonder why i say all of these things.

don`t wonder why i am so angry and bitter.

you, of all people, SHOULD KNOW why

after all, you did it.

you REALLY DON`T know how this feels,

SO DON`T YOU DARE JUDGE ME.

don`t think that you know im feeling.

if you loved someone,

and fought your hardest until you were stopped from fighting anymore,

you would be emotionally drained too.

you wouldn`t be able to function.

and please don`t tell me to "have a nice life"

after every argument.

because, clearly, i can`t have that right now.

because even though everyone knows, as well as i know, that i can do better,

i don`t want to do better.

it`s stupid because i won`t do what`s best for me.

i really need to learn how to get over you.

i`m angry, so let me talk my shit:

you think that you're so fucking cool

with that camera that doesn`t even belong to you.

its your dad's.

you still really disgust me.

i can`t believe what you did.

and i can`t believe who you are now.

you think that it`s my fault people dislike you ?

NO, you did that on your own.

i didn`t tell you leave me.

i didn`t tell you to put a picture of a porn star up on your myspace.

i didn`t tell you to be a freaking jerk.

you did that ALL on your own.

i hope you don`t go to the strip club now too.

ughh

woahh

ohmygosh

ughh

YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING.

seriously, you are just a typical guy.

who wants some ass.

and i had no idea when we were together.

ughh, i can`t believe i`m just figuring it out now.

ughh kdfh seriously.

glad it`s over and done with.

seriously ?

you disgust me.