when a heart breaks

i could check your myspace

and in a way i want to..

but i know i shouldn't.

and i haven't ever since i gave it up.

it was sorta the only way for me to figure out how you were feeling.

since you don't ever like to talk about it.

i kind of regret telling you i coudn't be your friend.

and i wish i was strong enough to be your friend

because it started to be really nice.

but i can't just sit there and give myself false hope every time you do or say something nice.

i really wish i could be your friend

without wanting to be more than that again.

it's hard for me to move on, when i loved you so much.

and i still do, but im sort of being forced not to.

bleh, i know you probably don't read this,

but i just gotta get my feelings out.

i don't know if im just going crazy,

or if my friends are ignoring me on purpose ):

it's kind of really sad.

i guess they just hate me now.

i know it wasn't right for me to shut you guys out

but i dont think you really get how hard this is for me,

i never let anyone in my life like i let him in

and then all of a sudden, he's gone.

i just know that me talking about him is annoying as it is.

and i didnt want to bother you anymore this week

by talking about him even more.

so i didnt want to talk about it.

stupid, but i dont know how else to deal with this

cause ive tried so many ways.

just don't hate me.

when you see a guy or girl friend sulking in their misery

about their significant other,

you cant seem to realize why the eff they just dont get over it.

but what you don't understand is the love.

i used to wonder why my friends kept letting stupid things happen to them

and why they would still want someone after being treated poorly.

but now i understand, because ive gone through it.

and its somethings that's really hard to explain

unless you've gone through this horrible thing too.