QUESTION

yesterday was a fun day.
went to guppy`s with vanna kees cheryl and carms
then went to jessica`s parents` annual poker tournament.
crystal and i babysat
we colored pictures and ran around for little children (:
it was cute
not to mention we got $20 for it
and i totally was not even expecting to get paid for it.
i don`t expect to get paid for anything i enjoy doing.
mm we played card games til 4 AM
and didn`t go to sleep until around 530 AM
slept over at jessica`s with crystal
i was real cautious of my snoring (:
but overall, it was terrific

so i was thinking about it today.
i thought about the quote that brian gave me.
"sometimes you need to forget what you want, and remember what you deserve."
but now that i really think about it,
what do i even deserve ?
i really don`t know the answer to that question
and i was hoping that you could help me.
i want to know what i deserve.
was a good enough girlfriend to even deserve anything ?
do i really deserve a good guy who will love me regardless ?
do i even deserve someone who pays just enough attention to me ?
do i even deserve someone who really does love me back ?
i wanted to to ask you if i was a good girlfriend,
but you said you`re driving
and i don`t want to bother you too much.
i feel like all the joy from yesterday morning is gone.
and i`m back to square one,
where i don`t matter to you one bit.
but it was nice, to think for a moment
that you still care and that you still love me.

cheryl, jess, crystal, and celina all keep me sane