8 30 09

k so i forgot to blog about my pretty crazy dream.

we were at a swimming party at someone's house.

i have nooo idea who's house it was.

but everyone was there.

all my friends. even the ones from different groups.

so everyone was socializing, some were in the pool.

i started running to the pool so i could jump in,

but as i was running i tripped and hit my head on the floor hard.

i was right next to the pool, so i pretty much rolled in it, almost fully unconscious.

so while i was sinking to the bottom of the pool,

i waited for someone to save me.

but the person i really expected to save me was jordan.

but no one came.

no one tried to save me.

and i was drowning.

and i think i was about to give up

when in real life i got a phone call that woke me up !

it was preeeetty crazy.

imagine if i didnt get that phone call.

i woulda drowned and probably woulda really.. ya know.. in real life.

innnntense !

k that's all !

8 27 09

im just...

sad

not even angry.

just sitting in class quietly.

i dont wanna move or speak.

just wanna go home and sleep.

:/

8 26 09

hmm..

makes no sense to me at all.

last night was a toughy.

i don't know why i was feeling blue, but i was.

it would have been nice if you made me smile.

but you didn't even care. or you really seemed like you didnt.

it really just makes me angry.

JUST START CARING.

you don't get how much it means to me.

is this a sign ?

you or god telling me to move on finally ?

i just dontttttt understand.

maybe we should just forget it.

8 24 09

so i've figured it out.

you're scared.

that when i tell people the truth,

they'll figure out that that's exactly what you DIDN'T do.

there's no wrong in telling people my side.

its not like i try to persuade people.

but when people ask me what's happened, i tell them.

it's a good thing i dont tell people what a bad friend you became.

i realized that i could tell everyone, but i didn't.

there's no reason that anyone should be acting like a diva.

i absolutely hate when people act immaturely.

you know, you dont have to be a bitch.

but if it comes naturally, i guess i cant help it !

i just had to get that off my mind.

8 19 09

why do i still feel disappointed

when i shouldnt even expect anything...

life`s not really fair.

not at all.

today someone told me

"never settle for less than what you are"

maybe i want to settle.

cause it hurts to both stay and go.

8 19 09

i think this weekend will be a good juan.

i want this weekend to be a a good juan.

but then after that, i think ill be MIA for a while.

gonna concentrate on school.

im gonna TRY not to come back to walnut every weekend..

until my break starts.

last day of school is on september 15th.

a little less than a month.

i think i can make it ? lol

we'llllll see !

8 11 09

not a big fan of being just friends.

but i think it had to happen.

everything was just getting to be way too much.

maybe it'll happen again, once we're ready.

mm skipped my first class today.

didnt prepare my speech, and i have this stupid "condition" -___-

that's what my dad kept saying lol.

let's not talk about it though.

i haven't done homework for my second class today.

i think im effing up.

but i really dont wanna do this ):

my heart is DEFINITELY NOT into event planning.

maybe the week will go by fast.. i hope.

well today is tuesday with one more class.

tomorrow is work and then 1 class

and thursday is more work and 1 more class

aaaand then that night erikblingbling picks me up so we can go to

roscoe's chicken and waffles !

and thennn ! camping friday-sunday !

okay, maybe i should start my homework now K BYE !

8 10 09

today is just a really bad day

i think ill cry.

and i dont want to go to school at all this week.

really really big siiigh.

8 9 09

sorry for complaining more but,

honestly, i dont know how this is going to work:

- if communicating is gonna be this way.

- if im trying way too hard and you're not.

- if i hardly ever get to see you.

- if you just don't care.

im sort of scared that we're just two different people now..

8 8 09

honestly, i would like to mean something to someone.

is that so much to ask for ?

ughh whatever.

maybe im just looking in the wrong places.

8 4 09

I EFFING HATE LIARS !

8 2 09

so i won't do that again !

remind me to eat before i drink..

and just not to drink that much at once.

i felt like a major RATARD.

this week was a little intense.

way too much fighting.

but really this time, it will be better.

its time for a little tough love too, right?

but i guess the week ended pretty alright.

i love my friends who take care of me, when im being irrational.

i just love my friends in general.