Monday, January 19, 2009

flashback

so i just had a flashback.
to when things were semi-okay.
i had an argument with kees and my mom
so i walked to the park by myself
and you told me not to
but when i did, you told me you were coming to get me.
or i might have asked you to get me.
my hands were almost as cold as ice
because i had been sitting on the swing.
and when you got to the park,
you asked me if i was ready to go.
so we walked to your car and you felt my hands.
once we were in, you told me to put my hands up to the heater.
but i didnt.
because i didnt want to move, or speak, or do anything at all.
then, we got to your house
and you took me to your room
i still didn`t say a word,
and you asked me to tell you what happened
but i didn`t say a thing, because i was too sad.
then you left your room to get the kung foo panda DVD
and just laying there with you,
watching the movie,
already made me feel much better.
after the movie, i think you brought some of your dad's chilly and tortilla chips.
then you left to eat real food
but i didn`t want to go out there for your parents to see me all sad.
i felt rude, but i didn`t want them to ask me what was wrong.
i always felt bad for not eating at your house
cause your parents are really nice.
after the movie, i cried a little more, and you might remember why.
i even skipped church, because i was so angry with them
and i wanted to be with you.
so after that, we picked up my things from my mom`s house
because i already had to go back to LA for school.
and when we left my mom`s house, i started to cry again
and you held my hand, and kissed it
i used to love it when you kissed my hand.
and thinking about it again makes me cry.
but you were there for me,
and now i don`t even have you anymore.
not even as a friend, and i hate it.
so this is where it gets fuzzy.
i`m pretty sure, after picking up my things,
we went to the library to return my book that you took out for me
because i owed the library something like $20
for not returning the les miserables VHS years ago.
(that was a funny day. i hope you can remember).
after the library i rememeber you asking me if i was okay.
OH, I REMEMBER NOW !
this was also the day that you were gonna bring me to LA yourself !
but then you couldn`t because your tires didn`t have the right amount of air in them, and we were trying to figure it out.
i think we went to two different gas stations.
while we were filling your tires with air, we saw tara drive by.
then we got to either vons or albertsons to meet up with my dad, since you weren`t going to bring me back to LA anymore.
we got inside, and i bought pads.
i kept throwing them at your head
and i think we played soccer with them
i kept saying "why are you holding pads, jordan?"
and we laughed about it.
we bought face wash for me, and you kept trying to rush me.
you told me to buy the one your brother buys.
but i don`t think i went with that one, sorry.
then we went to pay, and right before we left, we decided to get some scratchers.
haha, and that was REALLY funny.
thinking about it makes me smile.
we had so much fun with those.
the lady asked us to move
because we were so excited with our scratchers
that we were in the lady`s way cause she was trying to get the baked stuff.
then we scratched our scratchers,
i told you i would be lucky !
i won us another scratcher
and then YOU picked the same exact scratcher that we already had
haha, so then we lost ):
but we had alotta fun trying.
and finally i had to go back to LA
and we tried to kiss real fast while my dad wasn`t looking.

i forgot about that day until today
because i got angry again
and i wanted to leave
and walk to the park again
but it would be different after walking to the park
because i wouldn`t be able to spend the rest of my day with you to make it better.
i wish i could.

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